Ok, but I want more.

I just wanted a place to write this down, this is cheaper than a therapist, lol. I want more. Sure, things are going great at The Good Wife, I have an amazing daughter and a beautiful wife but I want more out of my career. For them, for me, for my sanity. My father busted his ass and gave everything to his family, put my sisters and I in the best schools, gave us a shore house, a boat, lots of trips (heck him and I are going to miami next weekend) the list goes on and on, I want that. The only way to get it, is keep telling myself I want more. I want to  get int the DGA and be shooting again, but sometimes life and other obstacles get in the way. How can I get pass this? I ask myself that question almost every day. I will get pass it, because… I want more. Sometimes I feel like the hamster on a wheel (god knows I wouldn’t last very long on a wheel) just running and running, but to go where? Rejection keeps me at bay, keeps me on the wheel. It takes a lot to put yourself out there with these projects or to be told I didn’t get the job because I’m not in the union when I know I could run circles around some of the people who get jobs over me. I’m not scared of failure, I’m scared of not meeting my own expectations and giving my family the life they deserve, so… I want more.  All my life I have wanted to get to the next step, then when I achieve it, I want the next step. When will I be satisfied with my accomplishments? Where am I now? Still not in the DGA and I haven’t shot anything real since The Highly Observant Bill White. I will shoot something soon, projects are lurking around, one just has to pop. As for the DGA, someone will eventually remember that they got their first shot and give me mine. Dreams do come true, I can’t forget that. A lot of people have it worse than me, I know that, but this is my life. I gotta keep my head down and push, push, push because for them…

Photo Sep 06, 1 54 33 PM I want more.

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